Ever Feel Unworthy?
Man, these last few months have been filled with so much adventure it does not even feel real!
Not that it has been all positive during this adventure however it has been memorable and I have to believe it is all part of a greater plan, a plan better than my plan, God’s plan.
If it were my plan then I would have secured millions of dollars a month in an oil deal, hundreds of thousands of dollars in a liquor company deal I was attempting to broker and become a living breathing Hollywood movie producer.
Yup, if it was my plan that would have all happened a month ago and I also would still be doing business with a chronic liar and narcissist sociopath and I am pretty sure I would be handing back the millions I made to the government or someone else because the foundation in which the millions were made, was built on quicksand.
Had those deals closed, yes I would be able to keep several promises I have made however I am not sure I would have had the same attitude about appearing on New To The Street that I did just 3 weeks ago. I truly believe the humble nature in which I presented myself and my attitude of “feeling blessed to be there” carried me much further than had I showed up at their studios a multi millionaire.
I believe if I had shown up a multi millionaire, I would not have been able to have the open heart and mind to the new possibilities that God had laid out for me.
I believe that I would not have been offered to do my own show either. Even if I was offered a show being a multimillionaire, I am sure I would not have been able to see what a blessing the opportunity truly was. To be frank, being offered a show at that time would have robbed me from understanding just how hard it is to put on a TV show. I would have just thrown money at it.
I also know I would have taken for granted the process, not valued Producers, Directors and all of the other people behind the scenes busting their butts to HELP ME, have a successful show. Oh man do I love and appreciate those people.
The other thing I am thankful for is that I had not prepared myself to be rich. I had talked about meeting with money people and TALKED about how serious I was about helping others and giving back, but I did not have a plan.
I also know had I made that money that I would not have volunteered to help at some of the events I did because I would have been on vacation, enjoying time off that is well deserved. I was able to volunteer at those events, allowing me to meet a few of the most important people I have ever met in my life.
I say important because they are the people who are helping me prepare for God’s plan, my purpose, in life. Being at those events allowed me to meet the Producer of my show, who believes in me and my mission as much as I do. It also allowed me to meet the gentlemen, who in his own time, is teaching me about money in ways I have never understood and in ways not taught in books.
You see, I believe God has something powerful planned for my life. I believe that God has something He planned for all of our lives, so this is not me feeling more special than I should, lol. I do believe that God spared my life so that I could be a witness to just how amazing He truly is. If He can heal me, He can heal any of us, if we let Him.
I will be honest with you, I get really frustrated sometimes waiting on God or at my failures. Seriously! I know and believe with all my heart in His plan for my life. I can see it, but that doesn’t mean I always know the path He is sending me on.
Every time I was told we were about to close the deal and to plan this or that, I got my hopes up and believed that I was about to be rich! That said, I had not planned for success. I had not done the work to prepare myself to be rich or to create a plan in how the money would be used.
I also ignored the warning signs God laid out for me in the people I was doing business with. I ignored the signs in hopes that the negative things were just part of the process but now I know that those signs were from God. I believe this because the day I finally had the nerve to walk away from a very unhealthy situation, God opened doors for the right people to come into my life.
I feel unworthy a lot. In all my efforts to survive and to “make it happen” God has been very patient with me. Even in ignoring obvious warning signs, he allowed me to meet the people who have become angels in my life and for that I feel unworthy.
Life is a journey and full of choices we must make. I prayerfully try to make all the right choices, however I take great comfort in knowing that even if I make the wrong choice, God is there to help me right my path and get back on the path He laid out for me.